Land Lincoln Adventures
Land Lincoln Adventures
☺Can you write an amusing story that includes 5 of these lines just 4 the pure fun of it?
1. Lala land, next stop.
2. Are you suffering from a chemical imbalance?
3. (You choose the title of a JAN AND DEAN song as one of your lines.)
4. Make eye contact with no one.
5. Let me get the Loch Ness Monster on the phone. You two have alot to talk about.
6. (YOu choose an ABRAHAM LINCOLN quote as one of your lines.)
7. Deeply disturbed,moronically inclined.....Yep! Juuuuust your type.
8. Psst! The boys say I clean up good.
9. Transylvannia 2-4000.
10. You hold the number one spot in my file of PSYCHOTIC adventures.
There is NO way I can decide. Forgive me,please for putting this to IN VOTING.
THE LITTLE OLD LADY WHO LIVES IN A SHOE
"Hi! -- It’s me, LINDA, also known as "the little old lady who lives in a shoe." Do not confuse me with THE LITTLE OLD LADY FROM PASADENA, who only drove her car to church on Sundays. We are NOT the same person. I’m the one who had so many children she didn’t know what to do!"
“How old am I?” you might ask.... You know it’s not polite to ask a lady her age. Let’s just say, I used to date Abraham Lincoln."
Abe once said, “I DON’T LIKE THAT MAN. I MUST GET TO KNOW HIM BETTER.”
I consider those words to live by. There have been a lot of men I didn’t like, and a lot of men I got to know better. Hence--all the children. Now that the kids are all grown and gone, I've made a Bucket List of things to do before I kick the bucket.
1. Get Married Again
2. RIDE THE WILD SURF
3. SIDEWALK SURFIN’
4. Wind Surf
5. Hang Glide
6. Bungie Jump
“ARE YOU SUFFERING FROM A CHEMICAL IMBALANCE?” blared the voice from the TV set.
“No, but I am suffering from the embarrassment of psoriasis, hemorrhoids, and incontinence,” I replied, with a sigh.
“It’s pretty bad when the only one I have left to talk to is the TV set,” I thought to myself. “Guess I’d better get crackin’ on that No. 1 item on my list.”
I picked up “The Daily Intruder” to check out the personals. “Ah! Here’s one!”
DEEPLY DISTURBED, MORONICALLY INCLINED…….Object Matrimony
TRANSYLVANIA 2-4000
“YEP! JUUUUUUST YOUR TYPE!” I said to myself, as I dialed the phone number.
“Greetings, it is I, Count Dracula,” said a deep sexy voice on the other end of the line.
“My name is Linda, and I’m calling about your ad in ‘The Daily Intruder,’ I replied.
“Would you like to become my bride?” asked Dracula.
“You don’t mess around, do you, Count,” I replied. “If I became your bride, would that make me a Countess?”
“Yes, it would,” said the Count. “There is but one tiny catch--first you must die.”
“Well, I must admit, I do want to get married again, which means that YOU HOLD THE NUMBER ONE SPOT IN MY FILE OF PSYCHOTIC ADVENTURES, but I can’t say I’m ready to die.”
“So--I take that as a no?” asked Dracula.
“Is it the only way I could become your bride?” I answered, hoping dying was negotiable.
“’Fraid so,” Count Dracula replied.
“How old are you Count?”
“I have been one of the undead for about 5,000 years,” he replied. “Why do you ask?”
“Just considering my options,” I replied, recalling something else my ex-beau Abraham Lincoln said, “IN THE END, IT’S NOT THE YEARS IN YOUR LIFE THAT COUNT, IT’S THE LIFE IN YOUR YEARS.”
“I choose life!!”
2
3, LINDA, THE LITTLE OLD LADY FROM PASADENA, RIDE THE WILD SURF, SIDEWALK SURFIN’
6, I DON’T LIKE THAT MAN. I MUST GET TO KNOW HIM BETTER.
IN THE END, IT’S NOT THE YEARS IN YOUR LIFE THAT COUNT,
IT’S THE LIFE IN YOUR YEARS.”
7,9,10
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 NEW - Land of Lincoln: Adventures in Abe's America  US $22.55
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 Land of Lincoln: Adventures in Abe's America by Andrew Ferguson US $5.98
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